In our society, men with superior energy, poise, and grace are getting rarer and rarer. Many of us have lost the essence of being a man, whether it’s our internal struggles, our relationship with women, or our relationship with the world.
The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work and Sexual Desire by David Deida was published in 1997, but is still deemed to be relevant even after more than a decade of its first publication. It is men’s complete guide book in having more satisfying relationships, more control over their lives and ultimately just becoming better men. Considered by many as the male version of “chick lit” self-help books, The Way of the Superior Man helps answer some of men’s most burning questions including their real purpose in life and what women really want.
Any man reading this book has certainly asked these questions at least once in their lives. In his book, David Deida provides really insightful answers to these confusing questions which puzzled men for so long. The Way of the Superior Man covers the most significant topics in every man’s life, such as family, career, spirituality, women, love and intimacy. It offers simple advice and practices straight from the international bestselling author and expert. He teaches useful tips and skills essential for every man to enjoy a life of authenticity, honor and freedom whether psychologically, financially or spiritually. Any man can learn about the way and essence of the superior man which will empower him to live a successful and fulfilled life.
Moreover, women may also read The Way of the Superior Man if they wish to gain better understanding and respect for the men in their lives. Doing so will allow them to see things in a different light and experience things from a whole new perspective. Men is primarily driven by freedom and excitement, which explains “typical guy” interests including their endless fascination with beer, cars, football, sports, philosophy, sex and war movies. Men generally thrive in adrenaline rush.
According to Deida, men have always been stereotyped into two extreme categories. Some men fall into the “macho jerk” classification, often seen as strong and manly yet cold and heartless. The second classification is the “caring wimp,” which are men often very sensitive and caring yet lacks the strength and masculinity. He poses the utmost challenge of discovering the unity and balance between being both caring and manly enough by living and loving fully and consciously at the present moment. This, in Deida’s opinion, is the real essence of the superior man.
One of our modern society’s common mistakes is to see men and women as two completely different creatures not only physically, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually. This is not the case with Deida. His work refers to these differences as masculine and feminine polarities. In Oriental philosophy, this is equivalent to the yin and yang elements. It states that each man and woman is equal because they have exactly the same feminine and masculine polarities residing within them. It only varies in amount, which technically means that men have more of the masculine polarity, making him relate more with masculinity. The same applies to women.
As a result, women feel most comfortable and at their best when their feminine side dominates. On the other hand, men feel most comfortable and at their best when their masculine side dominates.
The current society lives in a world where women are women and men are men, not knowing that each is a combination of both. When men go through their busy, frenetic lives, it causes them to be insensitive with their relationships while becoming ignorant of the gifts of their polarities.
The Way of the Superior Man teaches men how to get back their masculine polarity while, possibly for the first time, embracing their passive inner feminine polarity they didn’t even know exists within them. The book is a great reminder of this duality. The book reminds its readers that there are opposing forces of yin and yang or black and white which are essential in maintaining the equilibrium of the world they live in.
This book goes in depth into the mentality and emotions of both men and women. The polarity of our energy is significantly different. For women, her gift is to nurture and to love. The feminine priority is the relationship between people. As for men, Deida writes: “Your masculine gift is to know where you are, where you want to be, and what you need to do to get there”. Our highest purpose “is his priority, not his intimacy”, write Deida.
Throughout the book, there are some tips for dealing with a woman’s emotions. The way Deida explains them is very philosophical, metaphorical, and spiritual. Here’s a short list of what I got out of it:
- It is a fact that no woman is perfect. According to Deida: “You can’t have a woman who is always logically consistent, reasonable, and who also fills your heart and flesh with energy, instantly and throughout the day…”
- Accept her for the way that she really is. Assume that that the way she is now, will be how she will be forever. Don’t try to fight it, rather, seize it. Instead of trying to analyze it, look to the bright side and find joy in it.
- The superior man should never change his mind, preference or his entire self for that matter, just to delight a woman. “You are open to listening to others, but in the end, you will take the responsibility for making your own decision. There is nobody else to blame,” writes Deida.
- In order to better value and appreciate a woman, the time that will be spent with her should be devoted to her alone. The man should highly anticipate spending that time with her; wanting it badly enough that he could not think of anything else better than being with her.
- It is part of every woman’s nature to put their man to the test. It is something that a man couldn’t escape. Finding a new partner, undergoing a therapy or mastering a sexual technique won’t get him out of it.
- Whenever a woman is in a bad mood, Deida suggests that it is probably because she doesn’t feel loved or needed. Act accordingly and never approach a woman by telling her to fix her own emotional problem. It would only worsen the situation.
- A superior man should always make it a habit to help his partner make decisions by giving her choices and alternatives, while letting her feel loved no matter what decision she makes. “Don’t force the feminine to make decisions,” Deida writes. Saying something decisive, such as “I like the black dress, but what matters most to me is that you’re happy,” is a lot better than saying something general like “Both of them are nice.” Notice her improved response every time.
- The golden rule is also applicable to relationships. As Deida says in his book, “Give her what you want from her.” Whether consciously or unconsciously, she will reciprocate whatever is done to her.
- A man shouldn’t feel guilty if he isn’t being as “into” the relationship as his partner. It is normal. Remember that a man’s main priority is his purpose, not intimacy.
Near the end of the book, Deida goes deeply (no pun intended) into sex and sexuality between men and women. He believes that it is more than just a passing physical pleasure. With the right techniques and proper approach, he believes that there is actually the potential of turning a sexual energy, or a sexual experience, into a spiritual one. “Learn to discipline your habits of building up and releasing mental and sexual tension,” Deida points out in his book. “Ejaculation should be converted or consciously chosen.”
He stresses out the importance of discipline in the context of the release of sexual energy. According to Deida, without discipline, sexual release would deplete a man’s energy instead of invigorating him. This is the reason why boxers, runners and other athletes who need bursts of energy during competitions don’t engage in sex prior to their matches. These people need to use their built up and stored energy to create an explosive transformation from potential energy to kinetic energy.
All in all, David Deida is truly a spiritual master. His teachings are so deep that one can read this book over and over again and still get something out of it. I personally have read this book three times, but there are always times I go back to it when I feel my goals or energy are out of alignment. This book is a must have for any man who wants to become more. It serves as a constant reminder of how men should be behaving in this world.
To discover more about The Way of the Superior Man, Click Below!